diary,
this blog contains words that may offend the sensibilities of less mature readers.
no copying, stealing, or any form of
plagiarism of anything in this web page please. give respect to the one who
really worked hard designing this. opinions, comments and suggestions are
welcome, just watch the
language. no haters,
name-calling or anything of that nature. thank you for reading and having my
posts respected.
if there's anything wrong about my driving, feel free to tag me, just soo u
know how to tell it with respect.
well, tag me anyway. =)
Goodbye
all i can say is dat he's soo cheap.
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please come in. make urself comfortable. you must be thirsty. wait, il get you a glass of water. You'll see that im tall enough but no way near 6 ft. I undeniably have pretty eyes and i have size 8 feet. Yes, im into sport. particularly tennis. With these boy built body of mine, i sure need to kick ass out there. You know, broad shoulders, manly legs. ok.. ok. ok! for u to be not scared of me, think of Michelle Rodriguez and Jessica Alba instead. of course, im not that sexy but, hey, im not that bad. **tongue out** hey! i have my bestfriend waiting to be expose. (^_,^) we've been together through good times and bad times. and she's always there for me when i need a hot running water over my back because of Dysmenorrhea. She makes my life easier. *drum roll* tadaaaaah! my shower heater! Say we've just met and it's your first time here. Rule No. 1 : Rule No. 2 : Rule No. 3 :
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* There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation. "Failures" are as much a part of the process as "success."
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i asked hw he's been the last week without me.
he said he's fine.
he's kinda livin his life.
he askd me the same questions.
i told him how much i enjoy my last week.
i met a lot of people.
made friends.
i told him i miss him.
i told him, im not completely enjoying cz he's not with me.
i asked if he has someone new.
he asked me and he's not surprise wen i told him i have suitors na..
i told him to court me again.
...
he doesnt want me back.
he's tired of hurting me, he evn asked why would i want him back.
he felt sorry for me. and all the things we went throught those past three years.
i wished him goodluck wif his life. then i hung up d fone.
....
i went outside. smoked yosi. i felt like crying. but i realized he's right.
im tired of getting hurt na rin naman. what and why would i cry for.
i felt sorry for him cz he cant have me anymore now he's really letting me go.
i told myself that he's not worth loving. he deal with things so easy without even considering what i was feeling when he told me those stuffs.
i really cant change the fact that now a days. its just this easy to break up with someone.
im movin on. im special. a lot of people love me. they admire me.
i worth something to someone.
HIM : maangas gcng ka pa?
Me: hahaha! maangas ka jan? hindi na ako gcng.
HIM : hahaha! u always makes me smile. =)
Me: ako pa?! =) wat do u want? hakswali, im sleepy na, i just got home.
HIM : mind if i ask wer u frm?
ME: *yawn* naglaro kmi ng dota ng mga highschool friends ko. I saw my ex nga eh. kaso wla lang. At anong its not safe, i can handle myself. u dnt have to worry about me.
HIM : ok. whatevr u say. u saw him? sabi mo di na kau nagkikita at naguusap. so did u talkd to him?
Me: no. i dont evn want to look at him. wel,, i saw he's sendng a msge thru frndstr. wla lang. it made me feel sad.
HIM : felt bad u left him?
Me: i dnt know, im sad, un lng.
HIM: ok. wud u lyk to have breakfast wif me tmrrw?
Me: this is why ur txtng me? san naman? breakfast? late na oh, bka tanghaliin ako ng gcng.
HIM: il call u tmrrw then.sunduin kta sa highway ng 830? plssssss..
Me: woah! so early tsong! pero sure, i jst have to go back early. ok lng? mga 1? i hv tennis pa ng 4. id luv to sleep muna befor playing.
HIM: ok so, see u? sleep ka na tabachoy!
Me: kk. nytnyt! =)
7:30 - woke up, showered. put on my jeans, flops, white sleeveless and my cap.
8:10 - smoked yosi.
1 message recieved : are u ready? im here na.
hmm.. so early ah. bago to ah. hahahah!~
HIGHWAY
HIM: good morning.! ang ganda ng morning ko.!
ME: lul mo, bola so early in the morning naman!
(inside the car)
HIM: im not kidding, u know, minsan lng my babaeng maganda kapag umaga. =) ur not used to wearing make up and accesories tlga no? cute.
ME: no. minsan lng. hndi ka namn nka make up and wla k nmang accesories. why wud i bother?
HIM: hahahah!
(passing thru robinson's pala pala.)
ME : wer r we going?
HIM: tagaytay?
ME: bday mo ba? hahahhahah
HIM : hindi. i just want to know u more. i really find u interesting kasi.
i ordered ham and cheeze crepe. i dnt know what was i really doing there. Buti nlng i brought yosi. =) we talked about everythng. i dont know, i dont like him eh. he's quite madaldal. he asked a lot of questions. i hate guyz hu talk a lot. hahahahah
HIM: How r u ba as a girlfriend? ang tagal nyo ng mga past bfs mo. im just wondering. u seem a lil loose. hahah! boyish. pikon. maangas. one of the boys. no offense, but i dnt thnk most of the guyz r not into those. =)
ME: eh, thats d whole package. as a girlfrnd? i admit im high strung and clingy. but i make up for it bcz im malambing namn. and i thnk my being malambing's d reason why dey have a hard time leaving me. they misses it kasi. hahaha!
My malambing side comes anytime, anywher. u know... unexpcted kisses and hugs. smoochs between talks. it felt good dn kasi wen i do that. =)
HIM: malambing? eh nambabara ka nga! nanununtok, pikon sabi nila. how come?! hahahah
ME: eh, wer just frnds. anu ka b?!
HIM: sabi ko nga! hahahah! eh as an ex? tingin k kasi ur so strong. u dnt evn miss ur ex.
ME: i dnt know. i dnt hold grudges kasi evnthough my ex-boyfriends wer bad. si chris nga eh, i always make him feel bad daw, i really dnt understnd naman why im d one hus hurting. he judged me, threw stuffs on my face but i really cant be bitter about it. wer fyn nmn kasi wyl wer lasting. i understnd nlng siguro na he felt good wenvr he hurt me.
HIM: i dont like him. u said ur mom dont like him anymore?
ME: wel, u dnt knw him...... si mama ko kasi, she's updated. she thinks chris changed. he used to be there daw for me and now he's flaky. he'll come back and hurt me evytimr he leaves. nagsasawa na rin mama ko evytime i call her up and cry to her.
HIM: so u coming back to him?
ME: i dnt know, i alwys tell people i dnt want him back anymore. but evrytime. im alone or even enjoying with my friends. i alwys think about him. wen im in my room I wait for him. (evnthgh its not possible dat he'l be knocking at my window again.) I wait for him i just dont know why. Sabi nga ng friend ko if he cares, he shudv txtd me na daw. e really dont care anymore. I think caring comes first befor anything elses like love, trust, understnding, patience. maybe becz of this im hurting. cz he coudnt care at all.
HIM : stop crying.
ME: i hate him. but i know him better than anybody elses. he's really not a bad person. I believed if things ddnt work out it doesnt make u a bad person.
HIM: stop crying. u know, u dnt deserv him. u dnt deserv sum1 hul make u cry. ur too lovable para paiyakin and saktan lng. I can see that u still love him. But i cnt thnk of any reason why with that he has put u through... kht para kang bata kumilos and magexpress.. i thnk that's why ur lovable and fragile..
ME: thnx. i want to go home..............
days after i broke up with him. heard nothing from him anymore.
he really does want to let go too.
well, 'im not missing you, i got life to do.'
heard dat frm stacie orrico.
and im playing tennis tomrrw! weee!
cant wait! kasi sira grip ko! hmf!
full force ko na to bukas! hahahahah
Been accepted for a CSA job at ACS Inc. Makati today.
Undeniably a new feeling of greatness.
Excited to get home after a long day of exam and interviews. I texted my boyfriend that i want to see him in my house when i came home. I want to share this unfamiliar feeling i have with me the whole trip. I want to share this happiness i have bcz i made it.
And.. he wasnt available.
Askin him to come home will be impossible.
He knows the great news right before i leave Makati.
He took me for granted.
Again.
Just like the other night that i nearly cry because of a headache and told him he should buy me a medicine for it, then, it took sooooo long just when i knew he couldnt leave his friend for a awhile.
I waited.
two hour passed. no text. no call.
went to kuya sonny's and found aaron and raymond there.
I texted him.
" ok, this is enough.. this is too much. i really dont need this anymore. im so tired of waiting for you. i learned to stop loving you from the moment you made me feel you couldnt care less. i hate you. u always do this to me. blah blah blah..."
" fine. this is just the right time. "
i cried for just a bit. not even a minute.
i realized i just did what i think was right.
"at least for this small way, this is right."
there's a lot of people who want to love me.
why would i rot myself with someone who really doesnt see my worth.
now, il just try on my very best to get away from him
his face will haunt me, but, i will just have to remmber that he dont love me anymore so why would i come back.?
and i dont want to go back.
ive done so many mistakes in my life.
half of them is when i gave our relationship a chance everytime.
im gonna be watching over me.
i dont need him. im not a baby anymore.
to tell you the truth, im feeling great.
cant found bitterness, not even a trace of sadness in me.
im free.
im gonna go back loving myself again.
and il watch out for someone who'll be willing to enjoy the rollercoaster of life with me.
Unfortunately, he's not the same person anymore. And unfortunately, we're still together.
For three years, I've been experiencing verbal abuse. I even doubted myself if Im a good person because of what he was pushing in my head of what I'm all about. Yes, I fought back. For uncountable times. But, this love that Im counting on that will change everything stayed with me eventhough it has done nothing for him to change. He never caught me cheating. But caught me with another man. That's way totally different. And since that, Im nothing but a bitch. Eventhough I worked my ass to him just to make him feel I'm not what he think. Its still and will never gonna change what he thinks of me everytime we have a chance to fight.
I dont know what to do anymore. I left him before, but when he's right there infront of me again. Its automatic that i'll raise my both arms to hug him. Maybe, because i never lose hope that he'll change.
And now, Im suffering. I messed up my life. I was wrong in a hundred different times when I hugged him everytime he's back and when i pushed myself loving him more. I want to break up with him. I said it a lot of times before yeah, And maybe in just this small time, this is right. For myself and for him also.
He made my life miserable. I hated myself because of what he did to me. But why can't I let go?
Now, whenever i see myself in a mirror. I see someone worthless.
And now, upto now.. I only wish for someone who will treat me right. Who really care. Who will not take my feelings for granted.
and it's ur first tym hir.
You'll see that im quite simple. i wear no earrings most of the time. and i rarely wear sandals and shoes (of anykind). You'll guess im somewhere older than my age coz of the way i talk. i'll tell you my nickname and you'll gonna think its quite pretty coz of what it means. My hair have shades of red on it i know. i kinda ambush my hair when im depressed.
Welcome to my room.
Yeah im not really into pink. Its just my curtain that is pink here. My bed is big huh. Well, i have my particular side of bed. And if ever anybody wants a sleepover, i will never ever let you sleep on my side of bed.
The wall, you'll see i have hundreds of glow-in-the-dark stars on it. I dont know, i never put them on d ceiling coz i never sleep without body facing the wall. It make sense lah. 
this is part of my wall that looks like an altar of butterflies.
and at the back of my door. my cork board. my only gallery in my room.
and my "stuffs".
hahahah! love it!
Scour through my bookshelves and you'll see 5 of Bob Ong books ( he only have 5 so far.). Brusko Pink of Louie Cano, all of summit media 11 books. a PSICOM Gal on the Go, All the right moves by Tara FT Sering. Clarissa Estes' Women who run with the wolves. Rachel Lee's With Malice, Stephen King's The Game. The Winds of War my papa left me. A couple of Interior design Books. Fhms. Cosmopolitans. My room is actually a minefield.
Do not stand or step on my bed. Take that dirty feet off my sheet.
Smoke if you must, but do not exhale.
Leave everything where you see them
-- although you can carry my baby picture in your thought balloons.
*You will receive a body. You may like it or not, but it's the only thing you are sure you
will keep for the rest of your life. Take care of it.
*You will
learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called
"life on planet earth." Every person or incident is the Universal
Teacher.
* A lesson is repeated until learned. It
is presented to you in various forms until you learn it ... then you can
go on to the next lesson.
* If you don't learn the easy lessons, they get harder. External problems are a precise reflection of your internal state. When you clear inner obstructions, your outside world changes. Pain is how the universe gets your attention.
* You will know you've learned a lesson when your actions change. Wisdom is
a practice. A little of something is better than a lot
of nothing.
* There" is no better than "here." When your "there" becomes a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that again
looks better than here."
cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something
you love or hate in yourself.
Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of the colors
in your life or someone else might try to take charge for
you.
* You always get what you want. Your subconscious
rightfully determines what energies, experiences and people you attract --
therefore, the only foolproof way to know what you want is to see what you
have. There are no victims, only students.
* There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences. Moralizing does not help. Judgements
only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.
* Your answers lie inside of you. Children need initial guidance from others; as
we mature, we trust our hearts, where the Laws of Spirit are written. You
know more than you have heard or read or been told. All you need to do is
look, listen and trust.
* You will forget all this. But you can remember any time you wish.
Christian Name :
Cristina France Legaspi Juaban
confession of an heiress. the woman who run with the wolves. waltz into darkness. the sisterhood of the travelling pants. bakit baliktad magbasa and mga filipino. ABNKKBSNPLAko. ang paboritong aklat ni hudas. tough love. wander girl. drama queen. almost married. break-up diaries. who stole my magic.
vince's life. brusko pink.
fave movies:
frida. original sin. monalisa smile. the notebook. losing isaiah. in her shoes. memoirs of geisha. ever after. 50 first dates. something's got to give. irish. miracle. the last samurai. pirates of the caribbean. the others. nick of time. mulan. cinderella. snowhite. sharktale. finding nemo.
the holiday. elizabeth town.
fave t.v shows:
that 70's shows. oprah. that's so raven. my name is earl. everybody hates chris. miss match. csi. laguna beach. the o.c. will and grace. desperate housewives. american idol season V. the simple life. southpark. family guy. madtv. mythbusters.
fave celebrities:
johnny depp. oprah. paris hilton. angelina jolie. julia roberts. julia stiles. drew barrymore. cameron diaz. nicholas cage. anne hathaway. bredan frasier. jim carey
fave bands/ singers:
metallica. korn. guns 'n' roses. my chemical romance. system of a down. bamboo. no doubt. up dharma down.
no doubt. sitti. eraseheads. pink. avril lavigne. jim croce. craig david. destiny's child. mymp. nina. nyoy. parokya ni edgar. pussycat dolls. ashanti. alicia keys
jennifer lopez
freaks
hipocrisy
pride
boastfulness
vanity
bitchy-ness
fake
backstabbing
spitting
know-it-alls.
buy cars for brothers bhokie and budoy
reward mom and dad a around-the-world trip
have my own bussiness with my relatives as my employees
[to help]
settle down with a selfless, lovable and appreciative man and have very well-raised kids.
[the kids of course, but the man, i dont thnk i could find him.]
new pc
ipod
video
boracay vacation
nokia 6270
ipod
sony cybershot digicam
playstation 2
new dvd player
nokia 3230
egg moon bag
doggie
at :
home
doing : uploading pictures
wearing : boyleg and black
sando
chatting with : no one
eating :
hotdog
drinking : h2o
into :
tennis
listening to :
like a star
surfing : multiply
feeling : hot
irritated to : noise
loving :
doggie baby Paris
"You
will know you've learned a
lesson when your actions change.
Wisdom is a practice. A little of
something is better than a lot of
nothing."
